Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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