Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
