If i could tip my vagina, i would.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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