So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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