Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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