Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
