Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
