you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
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