Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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