I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
