Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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