I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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