I wish my penis had an off switch
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
