New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
