you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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