if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
