WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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