Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
and you fell through a lawn chair
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
