I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
