The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Even my vagina gasped.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
