dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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