I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just saw a hot homeless man
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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