i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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