Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
