Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
