Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
