I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
