I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
