I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
