Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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