so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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