Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
