I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
