You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
