..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i don't like sucking hair
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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