I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
