Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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