Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
