im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
