okay pat passed out under dana's car
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
