my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
