Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
