my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
