just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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