bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
