I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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