the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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