Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
