Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
