after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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