i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
